Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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