Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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