the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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