I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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