I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
