3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize