saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
