You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
