remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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