I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
