Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
