Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
