the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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