Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours

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(732): View more from New Jersey

some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.

Fav 33 989 5231
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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank

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(647): View more from Ontario

You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

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(520): View more from Arizona

I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.

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(906): View more from Michigan

Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.

Fav 0 336 180
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(248): View more from Michigan

The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.

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