im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
