oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
