Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
