living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
