so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
