If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize