This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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