"it" just moved
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
