I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize