remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
