he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
