You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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