It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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