i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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