Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
