Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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