she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
