I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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