I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This house was built for laser tag.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
