The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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