this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
