I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
