i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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