dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
