oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
