that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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