Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
