bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
