So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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