he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
