What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
