I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
