based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
