You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
