Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
