I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize