Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
