Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
