I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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