At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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