It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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