Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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