Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
