I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
