He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
