id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize