Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
