Well douche your snatch and let's go!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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