It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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