Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
