took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
