I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
