Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i now understand why vodka
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
