sarcasm needs its own font
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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