Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
