Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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